Infuriating.

And the options to do anything about it are about as futile as going along with it. I wish I could help.

The best plan of action I've seen around stopping such behaviours is the suggestion to women to simply ask a man who makes a joke or remark why? Why do you think that's funny? Why did you think it was necessary to say that? Why?

And then why his answer, and the next, until he either realizes he's out of answers or walks away defeated. Better if it's done in front of others.

I've suggested this to my light-skin kids as a line of defence. Just in case.

I am in Canada. We have nowhere near the racial problems we hear of in the US. (I am NOT saying we don't have them, just not to that extent - and most of what we do have - save the horrors our indigenous have suffered - seems to seep over the border as the bs and rhetoric is mimicked verbatim. Stupid people going along with stupid people.)

I do think your son's is one of those situations where white people must stand up as a barrier between the racist and the person their bias is aimed at.

It's not that most white people are not willing to do this. It's mostly that we just don't recognize the problem when we see it.

Education through discussions like this conversation are the best way to promote the kind of mutual support everyone needs to navigate the waters filled with sharks. We need to learn to recognize discriminatory practices and stand united against them.

I think it is finally turning a corner, but there's still a lot of change that needs to happen before we can rely on success.